17

četvrtak

travanj

2014

Have you ever experienced something and you didn’t know whether you should cry or simply laugh? Well, I have… Actually, the entire year was like that – meeting new people (not that I have something against it), getting to know them and getting close to them (or at least that’s what I thought) and, in the end, ending up being the one who cared too much, being the one who got hurt…
It’s funny. The life in general. And how it works. All those ups and downs. Well, mostly downs if it’s my life we’re talking about.
I somehow meet new people. And everything is fine. We talk, we go out and in the end I start to feel like I’m finally accepted, like I finally fit in somewhere. I start to think that I may actually be important to someone. But, of course – I’m not. I’m just another girl to everyone. Maybe the last choice. To some – not even that.
So, I often over think. Usually about things I’ve said, things I’ve done, things I haven’t said, things I haven’t done… I wonder what I’ve done wrong and whether they hate me or not. Somehow, I convince myself that they do. I convince myself that it’s my fault. Maybe it’s some symptom of some disorder – anxiety, depression. I don’t know.
The craziest thing was to even dare to think that someone might be my best friend. But, you don’t suddenly stop talking to your best friend, right? You don’t start avoiding him or her, right? Now, I believe I was a fool for daring to think something like that. What’s worse, I’m angry at myself for not being able to keep a promise I gave myself long time ago – “I won’t get too attached.”
But that’s something I always do. I always get too attached, I always care too much about others – even about people I shouldn’t care about, I always get hurt. And it’s not normal anymore. I’m not normal anymore.
I‘ve changed during the last year. You’ve changed. Everyone has changed.
So, don’t you dare tell me how a year is a short period of time where nothing can change.
Because everything has changed.

Oznake: random

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